Useful post. I have long felt that the word ‘masculinity’ almost cannot stand on its own any more: the t-word always hovers invisibly behind it, if it isn’t already before it. (That’s just my gut feeling, might be interesting to find a stat on how often the m-word is accompanied by the t-word.)
I found this very helpful and it crystallised some otherwise messy thoughts in my head. I remember when masculinity became a thing about twenty years ago with a series of feminist books rightly pointing out that women can’t be expected to do all the work of rebalancing a gendered society. Men need to change, too. The problem with these structural analyses is when they encounter the reality of men and boys who want to be good people but receive EXTREMELY conflicting cultural messages about what this looks like. It’s also hard for an individual man or boy to feel that they’re carrying the entire weight of ‘the masculine’.
Wow! It is really interesting to read your thoughts off the back of the essay, Jonathan. Thanks for taking the time to share! Your last sentence invoked a physical reaction in me because as a mother of boys, I know exactly what you mean.
The conflicting cultural messages are too difficult and tainted to navigate, hence my suggestion to bypass the whole cultural blueprint and talk about human qualities.
Thanks Luba. I join you in your journey and struggle to use labes appropriately. Talking humanity - or the qualities and behaviour that makes you a "good" human, or not- sounds pretty correct to me!
So pleased to read it! We have a lot to talk about :-). I can imagine that parents with children from different genders give these issues a lot of thought.
Useful post. I have long felt that the word ‘masculinity’ almost cannot stand on its own any more: the t-word always hovers invisibly behind it, if it isn’t already before it. (That’s just my gut feeling, might be interesting to find a stat on how often the m-word is accompanied by the t-word.)
You are very right. There is research that shows that the word masculinity has been tarnished by the overuse of the word toxic before it.
I found this very helpful and it crystallised some otherwise messy thoughts in my head. I remember when masculinity became a thing about twenty years ago with a series of feminist books rightly pointing out that women can’t be expected to do all the work of rebalancing a gendered society. Men need to change, too. The problem with these structural analyses is when they encounter the reality of men and boys who want to be good people but receive EXTREMELY conflicting cultural messages about what this looks like. It’s also hard for an individual man or boy to feel that they’re carrying the entire weight of ‘the masculine’.
Wow! It is really interesting to read your thoughts off the back of the essay, Jonathan. Thanks for taking the time to share! Your last sentence invoked a physical reaction in me because as a mother of boys, I know exactly what you mean.
The conflicting cultural messages are too difficult and tainted to navigate, hence my suggestion to bypass the whole cultural blueprint and talk about human qualities.
Thanks Luba. I join you in your journey and struggle to use labes appropriately. Talking humanity - or the qualities and behaviour that makes you a "good" human, or not- sounds pretty correct to me!
So pleased to read it! We have a lot to talk about :-). I can imagine that parents with children from different genders give these issues a lot of thought.